Sunday, October 21, 2007

Missing in Action

You may be wondering if I've gone MIA. I haven't posted in a while and as you could probably tell from the last few posts, I've had my hands full with a baby, a terrible 2 yr old, and an injured hubby. Today, like many other days, I felt like I lost my mind. My mind has been disintegrating ever since I became pregnant with Maya. I began to forget things, misplace things, and call people by the wrong name. When Maya was born, my IQ was lowered by reading baby books instead of intriguing non-fiction, watching Baby Einstein (though informative for children, it may actually make adults less intelligent), and singing the ABCs instead of Baroque chamber music. Now that Reili is here, I have found myself feeding her in the middle of the night while at the same time being summoned by Maya to her room because she had a nightmare. Nighttime is supposed to be a time to rest, recuperate, and maybe even sleep. Nighttime for me is just like the day, but darker.

Today, Jeff went to watch the Alabama football game at a friend's house. He took Maya and I took Reili. Reili and I went to the library and had plans to do the grocery shopping, too. On the way to the library, she began to cry. I'm driving Jeff's stick shift, so comforting Reili was quite a feat. I think I stuck a bottle in front of her face and stuffed a blanket under it in hopes that she would be able to eat and stop crying. We got the library and she didn't stop. I returned everything at the front desk, rushed to get some DVDs and books for Maya, and came right back to checkout. Yes, all the DVDs started with the letter D and the books were all by the same author, but I did get some things for her. The librarian looked at my checkout stack and said, "Wow, that was quick!" I realized I had to throw my pickiness out the window when I have a baby in tow.

We got out to the car and Reili continued to cry. We were stuck on the highway as one lane was closed because they were repaving the road. Instead of making it to the grocery store or joining Jeff to watch the game, I headed home in stressed out and in tears. I fed Reili (not from seemingly well positioned bottle), she seemed content, and we both took a nice nap. When Jeff got home, I vented, cried some more and then listened to Jeff make a phone call. He called my friend, Glittersmama, and asked her to help his struggling wife. She and I made plans to go out later and eat something with chocolate in it.

She was busy with something until later on in the evening and so I was able to venture to the evil Wal-Mart and do my grocery shopping in peace. In my mind, Wal-Mart has always seemed like a dark cloud . It kills small businesses, it attracts WTs (as my friend Petra so politely acronymed them), and it is ALWAYS crowded. Now, whenever I need to go to get groceries, Jeff watches the girls and I spend about two hours there. It is freedom. I walk around the store oblivious to the evils around me. I find myself alone...independent...doing my shopping... no one calling one needing me. I now sadly equate Wal-Mart with peace. Wal-Mart is my happy place. I know if there were a Super Target here, I would be even happier....but it is all kinda sad any way you look at it.

I came home happy and relieved and all I needed now was some girl time with Glittersmama and some chocolate to go with. She is super cool. She is a mom, too, and understood me and listened to me. She even ate chocolate with me. All in all, it was a good day.


Laura said...

I am glad that you are alive! I was going to send out a smoke signal or something for ya! I am sorry you had a stressed out day- but at least you will get all the books and DVD's in the library read on letter at a time! HA HA HA! Also- HOORAY for friends! Aren't they grand?

Melanie said...

"Nighttime for me is just like the day, but darker. " -- This was true for me for about a year. Ugh. How do we even survive on these brief moments of sleep? Lucky you for shopping trips alone! :-)

Kim said...

I find myself in tears trying to parent one child. And the lack of sleep? Well, that just turns us all into zombie brides during the early years. Yay for you for having a husband like Jeff who calls a girlfriend to get together with you and eat chocolate. Everyone should be that blessed.

Tessa said...

Take the alone time when you can get it:) Walmart can be a very happy place. This week I discovered a grocery store that has a child play place. It is our new favorite hangout. I can watch the kids on the CCTV's throughout the store and shop in peace. Kids have to be 2 to go though so back to screaming baby in March but at least 3 can be dropped off. Hang in there. One day they'll sleep and it'll get much easier. I did the "day but darker" routine for a year too and when it passes life is so much easier. Good for Jeff sending you out for chocolate. That makes EVERYTHING better:)